2012

I welcome you with open arms. I pray and hope that...
-you not heard that my tubes are funky
-haven't heard that my ovaries are acting a fool
-that you know I want to drop 20lbs.
-that you know for a fact I wouldn't mind beginning 20lbs due to being preggers
-that I am able to pay off a student loan...or at least half of it.
-that more than anything on Earth I want to be a mommy.

Just praying.


Happy New Years. May it be the best yet.

and so...

another year is coming to an end, and I couldn't be happier. 2011 wasn't the best of years for the zemog's. As soon as the clock rings midnight tomorrow night, I am not looking back. Repeat. I am not looking back. I pray and hope that 2012 bring much good for the zemogs. I hope 2012 is the year I pay off one student loan. I hope 2012 is the year I drop 20lbs. I hope 2012 is the year I gain back the 20 lbs I am planning on loosing because I pray with all my heart that 2012 is the year we get preggers and become parents. That's not asking for much....is it?

There's a crime scene in my pants...

There you have it. In a nutshell, we're NOT pregnant. Again. It sucks, but one must remain hopeful. We'll try again and again until it happens. Meanwhile, I can hit the gym and keep myself busy and NOT stress. Try not to focus on everyone around me walking around with a belly or about to pop out a kid. Trying to avoid people who can't help but ask, "when are you going to have a baby?!" Really annoying individual, because our sex life is any of your concern. People who are always asking, even if they haven't seen you in years, but still believe it's okay to ask, piss me off. No sir and madame, it is NOT okay to ask. Some of us have to work to have a baby, unlike others who just seem to open their legs and BAM! they're pregnant.

Enough ranting. Off to Pilates.

First grade teacher no more...

It has been a good while since I've gotten around to posting anything. Sorry! It has just been crazy. In the past three months, my grandmother passed, I flew to Honduras to visit family and her grave, got news from my OB that my only hope for children is IVF, got more news from my RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) that my tubes and ovaries are doing okay and... I made the decision to move to fourth grade. Yep, Mrs. Gomez is no longer the first grade teacher, much to the kindergartner's, (and their parents), disappointment. I am moving to fourth. Sadly, my good friend and co-worker decided to move back home to NOLA, and took a position out there, which made it possible for me to make the move.

I am very excited. I am very nervous. I am very anxious. I am full of ideas...and doubt. Though, I am trying to rid myself of the doubt and just focus on the excitement of a new challenge. I've had the students before as first graders. They're very excited! As are the parents, a lot of them have told me how excited they are to have me again, I even had a few come into my end of school party and hug me and congratulate me on the move.

The math and science frighten me a little. I am trying to research to see if there are any math courses being offered in the Texas area during the summer. So far, just one, one day seminar. I hope I am able to come across at least one more I can attended. I do, however, have access the math and science online, so I'll be reviewing the material I'll be teaching!

crampy and sleepy

So I'm 7dpo and I've been oh so sleepy since I woke up and very crampy. These cramps aren't the OMG, I'm in so much pain, it hurts, cramps. These are more like the, "these are so annoying", cramps. I hope that these are positive signs. I'm currently 7dpo, I know that implantation will happen anywhere from 7-10dpo. As always, I know time will tell. Time will always tell. I just hope that this time, time will tell us good news.

how is it decided

So last night my husband, some friends and I went to the rodeo to see Mr. Tim McGraw. As we're walking up to Reliant Stadium for the show, we're almost run over by these two idiots, both pushing stroller, with babies in them. What the hell?! I was not okay with that. How is it that these two idiots have babies and clearly don't know what the hell they're doing. Meanwhile, those of us who are at a good place in life are having a dickens of a time getting pregnant. How is that right? How is that fair? How is it decided who get's to get pregnant and who has to keep trying and trying and trying and trying? How? I would love to know this.

It's not that I'm bitter, because I'm not. I would just like to know, which I know isn't possible since I'm on God's time not my own. I am aware of that, I just need reminders from time to time. It is frustrating to want something so badly and not getting it. Telling my husband monht after month that "oh yea, my period just came, we're not pregnant.", is very hard. This whole process is very hard and draining. Draining mentally, emotionally and physically. We're not giving it up though. God will, our time to be pregnant and become parents will come soon enough. I just needed to vent.
Thanks for listening...is anyone listening?

Fabulous in First: Happy Birthday To You and Sale!

Came across this and love it! Can't wait to do with my first graders. Might even get my hubby to make us a Dr. Seuss cake!


Fabulous in First: Happy Birthday To You and Sale!: "Before you know it Valentine's and President's Day will pass and you'll have a big old birthday to celebrate.  Can you guess who you wi..."

Month 13

I called my doctor today and had them call in the Clomid prescription. I know the drill. I pray month 13 is our lucky month. Going into TTC, I always thought getting pregnant would be the easiest thing on Earth, clearly I had no clue. We've been trying for over a year, I just thought we'd be parents by now.
 It's been 10 months of BBT, about six months of Clomid, ten months of AF showing up. Then there were those two glorious months when we were pregnant. 8 glorious, wonderful, blissful weeks when I had a little life growing inside. Loosing our baby was the hardest thing I've ever had to endure, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. But it made us stronger, it unified us even more.
I'm not angry or discouraged, it just really sucks when you want something so bad. I believe it will happen for us again. We'll get our little bean. In the meantime, we wait, pray and hope.

sigh

So I woke up to major cramps and AF this morning. To quote that 80's song, "another MONTH bites the dust". I'll be calling my doctor and getting back on the Clomid starting day 5-9. I'm sad, we're both sad, but it'll be okay. After our miscarraige, this is just another stepping stone. God willing, we'll be parents soon. In the meantime, I'm enjoying some Pinot Grigo this weekend.

exhausted

Today was a busy, long, fun day. It was a day filled of hanging with my hubby, shoe shopping, lunch and dinner with good friends and the movies. Now I'm exhausted! Even as I sit here and type this my eyes are closing. How is it I'm so sleepy when I took a two hour nap yesterday, fell back asleep at 10 and woke up at 7:30 feeling well rested?! maybe I should take this sleepiness as a good sign of be pregnant. My period is due to start Feb. 11th, needless to say I'm becoming a bit too focused on that date. Not in a bad way, just anxious. I could POAS, but I refuse too. Not before the 11th, anyway. I tested early last March got a BFP followed by my period two days later and then the miscarriage in November...I just can't handle the idea of testing early, getting a positive only be let down later. I'll sit, pray and wait.

Anyway, for tonight I bid you goodnight.

Turning 31

I recently turned 31 years old. I rather enjoyed it. My students and their parents surprised me with flowers and cupcakes, I got serenaded by pre-k, kinder, first, second and third grades while at lunch. My wonderful husband took me out to dinner and got me the DMB CD I wanted, and we celebrated with friends that Saturday. We hand games night at Casa de Zemog, where earlier in the day my husband decorated my birthday cake in the shape of the Quidditch field from Harry Potter. It was a great time. I wouldn't trade being 30-something for being 20-anything!

I hope 31 brings me many blessings!

Lazy

School let out early and was cancel today due to "winter weather". Due to this "winter weather", my husband and I have spent a day doing something we never get to do; nothing. We woke up at 6:30 this morning in search of snow, sad to repot we were let down :( so we continued our day by finishing bones season 4, starting season 5, and have now moved on to movies. Do we feel guilty? Nope. We're enjoying our "snow day". Thanks meterologoist in the Houston area, thank you icy streets, artric blast and the creators of Netflix! We have really enjoyed doing nothing!

it's been a whole year

Wow, it's been a whole year since I was last on this blog. Clearly I've had other things on my mind. Well, I am a year old and I hope a year wiser. Just turned 31 yesterday, had an awesome day. This past year was one of the hardest year we've endured. We've been trying to have a baby and apparently it's not as easy as I always thought it would be. We recently succeed only miscarry a few weeks later. November was not a good month for us. It was by far the hardest thing I've endured. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. We've dealt with it and are now trying again. God willing it will happen.
Anyway, this year I will do my best to write about our experience trying to conceive. God willing it will be a good, happy, joyful story.

More to come.